SERVE- Part Two

PART TWO 

(Part One- A Quick Dusting is found below)

{This will contain an acronym. One might think that’s cheesy… However, we all know it helps us remember}

In Part One, I rambled on about marriage. Here and there we hit several points that grasp at the heart of the marital covenant. I ended with a core word of how we, as women, should love our husbands. In Christ, we are called to SERVE.

S- Support

Most of these are easy enough to understand. As a wife, we are to support our husbands. Be the one in the crowd yelling the loudest for the man God blessed you with. In the bad days, lend a shoulder. He might just need it to help support the weight of his responsibilities. He might need it to cry on.  You must remain open to your husband. You must let him know you are in his corner. Speak the truth in love. There is nothing more defeating than feeling like you are being lectured without support. Be present so he knows that he can be vulnerable. Many men go through their days without a safe place to land. Be that safe landing. Be the place that envelops him with so much love and care that he longs for it all day. We are very often our harshest critic, so don’t spend the afternoons criticizing what your husband has chosen to share. Find the things that you can be proud of. Ask about the things that might not be the proudest moments of his day. “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 Prepare your heart for your husband. Whether you work yourself, or you are at home, set your heart before the Lord so that you can receive your husband, in whatever condition, when you see one another. Support is impossible with a closed heart. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10

You are like the beam in a house. You are Christ’s vessel to help hold him up. Weather the storm. When life gets hard, and the way seems uncharted, the Lord has given you the role to give your husband an open hand. Walk in Christ and be the strength that your husband needs.

E- Encourage

Isn’t this easier said than done? I need to be careful not to write that sentence on each of these paragraphs. You are the most important person in your husband’s life. Even when all is going wrong outside your front door, you have the chance to make your husband feel safe. Build him up. Praise him for his accomplishments. Listen to the things he is involved in. Ask questions. Tell him about the things that he is doing right, instead of the things you think he is doing wrong. Husbands want to know you are proud of them. What does “I love you” mean? Flesh that out. Use specific examples of why you love him. Your words of affirmation might just be exactly what he needs to make it through his day. We know in the world of work that our bosses never really compliment us enough. Be the person he knows he will always make proud.

Remember that your words mean so much. My college roommate once told James, “It takes one hundred compliments to erase one insult.” Now we can’t speak to the science of that, but ugly words do tend to stick around a lot longer than the nice ones. Even when your husband is in a bad mood, or is being ugly to you, Christ still calls us to love, to encourage, to help fight the battle.*  Through your words and your actions you are showing your husband Christ. We all have weak moments. We have those times we want to hurt back. We want to say the thing we know is sinful and will really stick it to him. Too many times we are too selfish to just let it go. I have about 1,000 weak moments in a day, as my spouse, James does an impeccable job at turning my heart back to the cross. I strive to do the same for him. We are both working towards the same goal- Making Christ known.

R- Respect

This is a huge one! I cannot stress how important respecting your husband is in your marriage. This is something we don’t talk about enough. There have been many times when I am talking to women and they spend most of the conversation tearing down their husband. What’s worse is when their husband is standing right there. We all have our flaws, but it damages your relationship with your husband. It is not acceptable to use your husband as the butt of a joke, or to make you feel better about yourself. In Ephesians 5, men are called to love their wives like they love their own body. This is what we, as wives, should also do. If you wouldn’t talk about yourself the way you are talking about your husband, then stop talking and reevaluate.

There is a time and place to speak with friends about things you are struggling with in your marriage. You are not without flaws, and neither is your husband. Marriage reveals the most sinful parts of our hearts. We need community and support for the tough times. We need to be able to be open and honest about our struggles. The point is not to use your husband’s flaws/sin as idle gossip. We are going to hurt one another. That’s a fact. However, you should be your husband’s biggest supporter.

This applies to your home life as well. Your husband will go through so many things in a day. There will be both positive and negative aspects in each of his interactions. He needs to know when he walks through the door and hugs you that you are not going to make him feel stupid, or less than worthy of your love. We are not worthy of Christ’s love, yet he gives it to us. Christ welcomes us even in our worst mistakes. We should love our husbands in the same way. He should know that even if he does something that you thought he could have done differently that he still has your respect. You want, and should expect, the same reactions from him. Just remember that you are serving him like Christ served. Respect builds a man up. It prepares him to face a world in which there is hardship.

V- Vocalize

There have been countless times that I have seen something James has done for our family and I don’t say anything. My heart is moved, but too quickly I am distracted and move on. I think it is vital to really let our husbands know what we think about them. The smallest things sometimes count the most. Many times husbands are looking for that verbal affirmation. James wants me to tell him that the yard looks good freshly cut, instead of asking if I noticed it. How would our marriages be changed if we complimented one another on even the smallest things? Said thank you for the small chores that are done. Really took time to take notice of the things that are quietly done to make our lives run. We should not become resentful if our husbands do not notice what we are doing. We are working towards the goal of Christ and His praise, not our husbands.

Vocalizing also applies outside your front door. It is much easier to be negative than to be positive. What if we spent more time focusing on Christ in our marriage and how He is shaping us, than all the things that are going wrong? Focusing on how your husband is leading your family, instead of the time he forgot to take out trash. A great example of vocalizing how you feel about your husband is brought to you by Joanna Gaines. She is from HGTV’s Fixer Upper. Look it up. Amazing. In the intro, she says to her kids, “Look at how strong Daddy is.” It is so simple. She probably doesn’t even remember that she made the comment. However, in that one sentence she teaches her kids about their Dad, she shows Chip how she feels, and she tells the world that she respects, appreciates, and loves him. Instead of poking fun at Chip’s obvious silly/ridiculously goofy attitude she chooses strength. She lifts him up and in that is a witness to everyone. She chooses to love and share like Christ. Her heart for him overflows out of the love that they have fostered through Christ. She has a lifestyle that SERVES her husband and her family.

You have a platform to support and encourage your husband by speaking out about his wonderful qualities. You have the opportunity to share Christ with the people you are talking to by building your husband up. The way you speak about him says as much about you as it does your husband.

E- Enjoy

Life bogs us down. Many times we cannot see the forest for the trees. It is so easy to lose eternity’s focus. We are selfish and tend to camp in our own pity parties like Jonah. Remember that you and your husband are on the same team. That you are both rooting for each other’s success. You are both running towards Christ. God has given you an amazing gift in your husband. Flawed, imperfect, and sinful, you both have been brought together to further the kingdom of God. Fight for your marriage. Fight to remember why you chose to walk this road together. Fight to enjoy the journey. Remember why you fell in love. Hold on to that. Have fun, be silly, enjoy your marriage. Enjoy your kids. Enjoy his hobbies, his ideas, his goofy faces. Enjoy the fact that he loves you. Enjoy that not everything has to be serious all the time. Pray that when your marriage is hard work (and it is) that you never forget to simply enjoy the fact that the Lord has brought you both together.

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Because of our sin we both fail at our jobs. Our natural instinct is to fight against the roles that the Lord has laid out for us. This is why so many times men fail to lead the family in Christ, and why the wife is so quick to pick up the reigns to steer. As a wife, I do not want to sit back and let someone else do a job I am capable of doing. In my sin, I believe many times I could be doing xyz better. However, God did not make me a man. He made me a woman, and my duty is to lay down my pride and discover the joy and gift of my God given role. It is a struggle for both sides. I am sure men are tired of the hefty responsibility that the Lord has called them to. I know it hurts James when I act as though I can do it better. That causes his role to be twice as hard. He must fight the urge to step back, while still loving me when I am telling him that I would be better at leading our family.

Remember that this is a partnership. Team work. Both husband and wife have something to bring to the table. In your decisions come together, discuss together, pray together. When you are in a partnership all ideas are up for consideration. However, as a wife, the decision that has been made (prayerfully of course) will be made by my husband. It is my role to stand beside him and support his choices. I can support those choices because they have been based in the Lord. I am called to SERVE my husband. To love James as Christ has loved me. I must lay down my life for the sake of Christ. For God’s glory. For the gospel.

I must consider what my marriage would look like if I woke up every day and prayerfully considered how to love my husband better than I did yesterday. How would my children’s lives be affected if we put our marriage first? If I truly put my husband’s needs above my own and he did the same, what impact would we make for God’s kingdom? The Lord’s call to humbly love and serve one another is very clear. So go forth today and serve your husband. Take great delight in the man who God is forging with fire to mold to be more like Christ. Love the man that God so graciously gave you to do life with. And by all means, go have some fun with each other!

__________________________

Also, any men reading this… I would encourage you to use these words, as well, to love your wife and family. Christ also calls you to SERVE. It is never a one way street. Grace begets grace.  Also, great job men. I commend you for following Christ and being an example to your coworkers, friends, children, and wives. You have been given a call that you can only find success with in our Savior. He would not have called you to it without a promise to walk beside you. Do not lose heart, and do not give up. Godly leadership can transform your family and the world we live in. Be strong and work hard. We are praying for you, walking beside you, and learning how to be led by you. We love you guys and we are rooting for your success in all things!

 

*I just want to clarify the relationships that are being described are non-abusive, life giving, Christ centered relationships. I do not think that God calls women or men to stay in abusive situations. If you find yourself in a relationship that makes you fearful of your safety- tell a friend, a family member, or call 1-800-799-SAFE.

A Quick Dusting- Part One

Thought I might dust this blog off. This is much more appealing than dusting all the surfaces in my house. Let me tell you, my child is far cuter than any of the housework staring at me. Hopefully by me ignoring the dust and dog hair it will build Wyatt’s tolerance towards allergens. See, I’m really just doing this for him…such a great mom.

The power of justification is strong.

When James and I got pregnant we switched to email updates so we could be more detailed and boring than the internets would have liked. We were able to update friends and family quicker and without checking for as many typos. For better or for worse, we decided not to share our journey with the world wide web. I think another reason I stepped back from this was to be sensitive to those who are still struggling with infertility. Maybe I was scared I would offend someone, unintentionally causing pain in their journey. That is the last thing I would ever want. So, I proceed gently and prayerfully for those who are still waiting.

PART ONE

I feel like the topic of marital roles can be something that people get up in arms about, especially, when you speak specifically on a woman’s role. I do not want this to be a place for that. Before I dive in, I want to remind everyone that Jesus loved people. They were His whole ministry on earth, and now ruling from heaven we are His heart. This includes women (John 4, John 12, John 11, Luke 10). He cherished each woman He came into contact with. He respected them and treated them in high regard. They were people to Him. Contributors to the world. You see this in the way He sat with them, in the way He interacted with them. This attitude and behavior was much more than society could say at the time.

Therefore, as the ones chosen to write letters that now compose the majority of the New Testament would women be treated as anything less than men? Any less than how Jesus treated them? You’re right, they wouldn’t. This brings me to the point of this two part post:  A woman’s role in marriage.

Husbands have the role to love their wife like Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). This is a very tall order. This call alone makes me thankful I am not a man. A husband has to sacrificially lay down his life every day for his wife, and for his family. He must love the crazy, the unforgivable, the passive aggressive, the stubborn- the heart of his wife. His wife is sinful, so he is. They will both fail in their God given call; however, the man’s role is to never leave the table, to never give up, to always love and to always pursue. Jesus continues to give us opportunity after opportunity when we fail to answer His calling. He forgives the sin of the sinner. He unconditionally loves the church, even when we continually disappoint Him.

“By this we know what love is: Jesus laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” 1 John 3:16

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” John 10:11

“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5:21

How can anyone do this apart from Christ? Our marriages will only thrive when both husband and wife are pursuing the Lord. Without that pursuit our attempts at Christ-like love will meet failure every time. So let us bear together in community, supporting one another to pursue the most Christ centered of relationships. Let’s honestly share in the struggles that we face in our marriages for it will make us stronger. As women, let’s stop judging one another by our social media pages and come together to explore our roles as Christ’s daughters and secondly, as wives, mothers, friends.

This is just one simple two-part post, about a complex thing. Marriage is a “profound mystery” after all (Ephesians 5:32). How do we love our husbands? How do we love our children? How do we love others? We SERVE.

{The next post is called SERVE. It was just too long for one post.}

And Then There Were…

To be honest there is a lot of anxiety wrapped up in this blog post, but also so much hope, love, answered prayer, and excitement. So many emotions. To be honest in a struggle is to follow it to its conclusion and then onto the new path that the struggle has forged. Well. We say with so much anticipation come with us on the new path that has been forged.

And then there were three.

These past couple of months have been a whirlwind. James and I found out we were pregnant in Disney World at the beginning of a family vacation. We were going to proceed with in vitro, but the family vacation did not give us enough time to start that journey. Clearly the Lord had a different plan. We tried the treatment we had tried the previous 3 months and that was the Lord’s answer. We were shocked when we found out. We, as well as, our families had all come to conclusion that IVF would be our story. “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21

God is so good and His plans are always better than we could hope for or imagine. We have spent the past couple of months slowly telling friends and family-enjoying the celebration that comes along with being pregnant. We feel so humbled and grateful for God’s outpouring in our lives. It makes me fall to my knees in prayer for those who are still hoping, for those who are still waiting. I wanted our announcement to come with details, but also with the deep knowledge of people who are still struggling with all sorts of things.

The Lord has brought 1 Samuel 1:27-2:10 straight to the core of our hearts.

“For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord.” 1 Samuel 1:27-28

We know that first of all this child is the Lord’s. From beginning to end he or she is made and watched over by our Creator. We know that we are to raise this child in His name and to help prepare this child for whatever the Lord has planned. We already feel like it is big things. This humbles us to the end of ourselves. There have been two times in our lives when we felt so humbled that it literally shakes us to our knees. One of those being our time of engagement and then wedding and the other is through this process and now into the pregnancy. The Lord uses a lot of things in our lives to humble us, but I will say that He has used you all to rock us to our core. We have nothing to really offer, but this kid and our endless thanks for the love you shower on us literally every day.

We have felt your prayers. We have felt the incredible amount of care, encouragement and love you have given us. The body of Christ has surrounded us in ways we have never experienced before. Our faith has been deepened, our marriage has been strengthened, and our support system has widened. Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts. Thank you!

James and I could not be more thankful for God’s providence. We are thankful for the hardships and the gift of this precious child. This child of God has already been used in so many ways. It is remarkable to see the Lord’s work through this baby before it was even conceived. To be carrying a child that the Lord has so faithfully formed together and has already used for His glory is a gift and an overwhelming blessing.

There are so many things we are thinking and praying about, but our heart’s song is that the Lord uses us and this baby to further His kingdom, to spread His gospel, and to make His name known. We ask to be used in every way.

To those who are struggling: We are praying for you. Our hearts are with you. We know that the Lord is the great physician and we pray His will over your lives. Hold on. Keep striving. The Lord loves His children. What He has in store for you cannot compare to the plan we think will be best. Reach out. You do not have to go through any thing alone. As the body of Christ we labor with each other- in whatever the trial one of us is facing. So as the body of Christ covered us, we pray that it covers you that much more!

Thank you for your joy. Thank you for your celebration. We are so incredibly excited, nervous, and joyful. Come April 6, 2016 all will change and we could not be happier!

Below are some pictures from the last few months:

– Disney World. Just found out

– Baby is the size of an Apple seed

– Sharing the news:

-10.1 weeks (now we are 13 weeks)

Wandering Geese

This morning I was driving to work, thankful that I was actually on time. I was about five minutes away, on a pretty busy road, and all of a sudden I see a group of geese crossing the street. Certainly not a common occurrence where I was, and thankfully they hadn’t made it over to my side yet. I’m sure everyone on both sides of the road were more than a little bit frustrated. Please don’t forget this is Atlanta, tensions run high on the road (literally) all the time.

As I passed I was so tickled by what transpiring. They were about 50 feet from the cross walk and they were slowly making their way to whatever their destination. I suspect it was the cemetery across the street they were eyeing. The grass does look quite green, and probably very appealing to a goose who is hunting for breakfast.

The best part of it all is that these geese had no fear. They just decided that the cars were going to stop for them. Gazing straight ahead, and determined, they were on a mission. The leader of the flock, group, posse, cluster of geese, was exemplifying the stature he wanted his friends to emulate. Guess what… they followed. They copied their leader with their physical bodies, and their attitude.

My favorite season is approaching: fall. I love every single part of fall from the holidays, colors, smells, crisp air, to the clothes, boots, and football games (last but certainly not least). I could cry for joy knowing the heat of summer is about to come to an end. I think fall makes me a little bit reflective, settled, and introspective. Yeah, yeah maybe that’s 365 days of the year… Anyway, I had some thoughts about those geese this morning.

Isn’t this just like our walk with Christ?

He is our leader, our Shepherd, as the Bible often refers. H is leading us on a busy 4 lane road and He is walking with strength, faith, and courage. He is not leading in fear. We, as His followers, are to be walking behind Him. We are to be walking with strength, faith, and courage. We are to be walking without fear.

In our walk with Christ our beliefs will be questioned, our faith will be scoffed at and scrutinized. It will often feel like we are marching through oncoming traffic that looks like it is going to run straight over us. Honestly, sometimes they might. However, I was just seeing the pure faith of these geese to follow their leader to the “promised land.”

Also, they were walking and not flying to their destination. If I had wings, I wouldn’t walk anywhere, but they probably get tired of flying, just as we get tired of walking. I thought about it though that God doesn’t just carry us above all that is happening around us. He leads us straight through it. He makes us face head on the world around us. The best part- He is leading the charge for each and every one of us. Romans 8: 31-39:

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;

we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What beautiful promises held in this passage. There is a lot more here that could be discussed or analyzed, but I had about 5 minutes of thinking before I walked into work.  So there it is. Let’s be encouraged that we are led by a mighty, sovereign, fearless, courageous, loving, and perfect Savior. He will keep us safe, but will never shy away from teaching us hard lessons that make us trust and lean on Him more and more.

Don’t forget to follow the Leader!

Happy Friday!!

-C

Bathroom Towels

First of all, I want to say a very big thank you for everyone who read the previous post. The amount of love and support James and I feel is humbling and without words. Thank you for your prayers, love, and encouragement. God has used each of you mightily.

Well in about two weeks (July 23rd) James and I will have been married four years. Did you just read that sentence again? Well, I did. In the grand scheme of life we are still newlyweds, but thinking about the fact four years have passed is unbelievable. Sometimes, I feel like Rip Van Winkle and I wake up from life about this time every year. Conveniently, this is when we normally go on vacation with James’ family.

Our marriage marks time for us. 2011 was when we graduated from college. We got big kid jobs. I moved to a new, big, and unfamiliar city that James called home. We started life together. 2011 was one of the greatest years of our life. It was filled with new experiences, new adventures, and new growth. There is so many things I remember and so many things I don’t. That Timehop app helps me feel like I’m losing my mind a little less. Thanks technology- you are my memory bank now too. James is infused in so many memories. Time will do that. Growing “old” together is a gift. It is like wrapping up in your favorite blanket, eating your favorite meal, watching your favorite movie. It is comfort. Tradition. Home.

A couple of months ago a friend wanted to see our “Love Story” video. Far be it from me to prevent anyone from seeing James and I gush on and on about how much we love each other. While she was watching, and I listening, I couldn’t help but notice how much has changed since that video was filmed.

Life changes sometimes without us being aware. Emotions can often deepen without much thought. Marriage fuses two people together. God designed it beautifully. Part of Marriage is covenantally working out your salvation with your spouse for the glory of God. This can be helpful and, frankly, annoying. I don’t really like being told that I’m wrong, at fault- sinful. Thankfully my husband is guided by the Lord, and gently reminds me, quite often, that I am-sinful. However, God never leaves us there, and neither should your spouse. God calls us to repentance. He calls us to change. The best part: He calls us to be guided by Him.

Listening to that video I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt I love James more today than I did four years ago. Every passing day has brought a new experience, problem, or event that we deal with together, and that is a blessing I am grateful for.

There are memories that will define your relationship and marriage. Our first year of marriage was fairly easy. Some experience this, and for others it is the hardest year of their life. It is wise to turn an ear to both experiences. James and I were working hard at forming our life together when I started to realize things. Things that I didn’t know before because we didn’t live together. The man likes to be clean. Who can blame him? I like to be clean too, but I still only shower once a day. James lives an active life, it is a little tough to admit that I don’t. It wasn’t long into our marriage that I realized he was going through bath towels like I go through Diet Cokes. Too often. Everyone knows you are not to use more than one towel for at least a couple of weeks! This brought on the Towel Fight of 2011.

 

We look back on this argument and laugh because it really was such a silly thing to be concerned about. It was a lesson in what two becoming one means in every aspect, as well as, my sinful nature roaring its loud and ugly head. Never forget that your way may not always be the best way. Also remember, that just because you think something should be done a certain way, doesn’t make the other way wrong. 

 

I am thankful for my best friend, my better half- excessive towel use and all. He pushes me to love the Lord and to trust in God’s simple and trans-formative truths. We share so many of the same thoughts these days and I love the comfortable way my hand fits into his on the drives back and forth to Birmingham. 

 

My husband is a gift that I am grateful to have received. I will never comprehend why the Lord chose me to walk life with James Wesley. Never forget to value your spouse. Too many times I take for granted the sacrificial love and selfless effort that my husband provides for our families, our friends, and for me. 

 

As I look back on our days of college dating and these four years married, I am thankful for every single day. In the ups and the downs I wouldn’t want to be sharing this journey with another. 

 

Love you James William. Forever and Always. 

Finding Grace in the Journey

There are many times that I want to sit and have all this wisdom flow wildly out of my mind and bleed onto the paper both boldly and elegantly. To be honest, most of my thoughts are just streams of consciousness thrown together like a toddler’s afternoon pinterest craft.

I don’t really expect this to be easy, but I think it needs to be shared. I have a friend who tells me I am brave. Well, I don’t feel brave. I don’t feel particularly qualified. I don’t feel worthy to share the burden. Scarlet and Gold has given a voice to an issue and I will use the start of their campaign to find my own voice.

Infertility.

The word carries so much weight. So definite. So hopeless. When do you officially say that you are struggling with infertility? For us it has been a year and four months. For us this journey is in its infancy. I have trouble admitting the hardship. I have trouble telling people the emotional strain that it takes on your body and your heart. For me to claim any part of this word, I do it gently and quietly. I do it with deep respect for the women who have been bearing this burden for years.

When a person is growing up I don’t think many dwell on the hardships that will come about in their adult life. I know I was not one to dwell on what was to come. Be where you are. Experience life in the here and now. Make the right choices. Remember whose you are. If you look too far ahead you will miss the greatness that is right in front of you. God is giving you a life to live now, don’t wait until you are 21, 26, 32, 55, 84 to live. Don’t miss a thing, and glean what you can. All true. All beautiful advice. I wouldn’t change a thing. The advice, the wisdom, and the God given memories I would not trade for anything. It made me who I am.

So, when you wake up month after month with one of the biggest desires of your heart not being met, you deal. You remember that the Lord is good above all things. That He has provided every.single.thing.every.single.time. He has led you on a path that you could not have even dreamt of. He is good. He is hope. Therefore, you wake up in the morning and you clothe yourself in faith. Faith in the Savior that has never left your side. Who has come to you in the darkest of places, even in the here and now.

You remind yourself to live your life. To not dwell on what isn’t and to carpe diem what is. You travel, you hang out, you have amazing adventures, or just good average adventures. You budget for some fun things, and praise the Lord that you aren’t spending 80 a week on diapers (yet). You laugh with your friends late into the night, around the dinner table, because none of you, truly, have a bed time. You look at your husband and thank the Lord for the sweet time that comes from being a couple. You remind yourself to never take a single one of these experiences for granted.

You go to work. You might go to a job you love. You might go to a job you do not love. On either side of the coin you have to remind yourself that to have a job is a gift. To have money and not want for a thing is a blessing. A job means being able to pay for the specialist doctor visits every week that ring in at a nice $500.00 price tag. You look around and see the people who support you in this journey, and the bosses who let you go to the many doctor appointments that it requires. You think about the stress that you endure and you wonder if it is a wall that your body cannot climb. You thank the Lord for allowing you to work, but you wonder when you will get hired for the job you have always wanted: Motherhood.

It is a hard thing to have a goal sometimes. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” You feel like you are trying, but month after month you fall short of the goal.

This journey is hard. This journey is emotional. This journey is a path that is less traveled. This journey is a trial. This journey is not something I would wish on another couple. I pray no one in my life must wrestle with the feelings of disappointment, of inadequacy, of failure, of loss. I pray that each person gets to feel the triumphs and tribulations of parenthood. I pray that for my husband. I pray that for myself.

And you know, through all of the tears that are let go and the ones that are held back, from the good days and the bad days, from the doctor visits and the fruitful amount of hope that is given: God has a plan. God is good.

From the beginning of the process we knew it would be hard. That made it easier in the beginning. We had a diagnosis. We had the information. We had hope. Those three still remain, though the road has gotten longer. James and I made some choices at the beginning that are getting us through the journey we are on:

1. We will not allow this to tear us apart. James has been my rock through this whole process. Every day he wakes up with hope in his eyes and faith in his heart. We have walked together, and he has carried me. It has brought us closer in ways we didn’t even expect. In ways we didn’t know we needed. The grace the Lord has extended to us is immense. It is overwhelming. In turn the grace James has shown me is without an explanation. He loves me like Christ loves His church. Through the mood swings, the expenses, the fact that my body is the problem- he loves deeply, unconditionally, and selflessly. I know that with anyone else I would have fallen apart. The Lord provides strength to His children. I experience that in my own heart, but it is made complete through my husband.

2. We will pray. With many things in life I sit there staring up at the wall and I wonder, “How does anyone get through anything without the Lord?” No conclusion satisfies my question. All I see is a situation “without hope.” In any journey, not just our own, you must be anchored in prayer. So James and I have anchored. We have anchored to the only solid ground we know- Christ.

This situation can consume all your thoughts. It can become an idol and you don’t even realize it. How could wanting a child be an idol? A subject for another time, but it is a danger that should be seen and fought. It would be a lie if I told you that it doesn’t cross our minds a million times a day. If we don’t imagine the future and talk about it. When will it happen, what will they look like, will it come naturally, adoption, or both? Is this future baby of ours a girl or a boy, what will they be interested in, how will we decorate the nursery, what is their birthday month, how long until I can finally try a Frisco Melt from Steak and Shake and not feel guilty? (the struggle is real) There is imagining with hope and there is imagining with anxiety, anger, and jealousy. We do not know how, when, and by what method we will have a child, but we know we will have one.

We praise Jesus for the blessings we have now in family who love us, friends who support us, and pups who adore us. We praise Him in the journey and we pray for the future. We pray for tomorrow, for next week, and for 20 years from now. We pray for the children we long to have. For their friends, for their spouses, for them to never know a time apart from the Lord. We are laboring, and we are laboring in hope.

3. We will use this as a ministry. For a long time we didn’t tell everyone what was going on. We wanted the (much anticipated) pregnancy to be a surprise. Then we realized that we needed the support more than we needed the surprise. The Lord convicted us. He showed us what He would have us do with the journey of infertility. We were to talk about Him. So here we are- talking about Him in the struggle. Taste and see that the Lord is good.

It would be easy to keep our life tied up in a nice wrapped package with some nice ribbon, but life is messy. Life is hard. It would be very easy to talk about how good God is when we do get pregnant. It would also be easy for people to agree with you when you tell them how good God is for the pregnancy. Well here and now, in the mess, we are saying God is good. He is gracious. He is sovereign. He is taking care of us. And yes, God is enough.
In the valleys and on the mountaintops God has us in His hand. We want to use this time to share with people, to share in suffering and joy. Because of Christ, this is anything but hopeless. So whatever the situation, look for the small blessings. Take note of how God provides when you are waiting on the desire you have in your soul. Talk to people. Be open in your struggle. God will use us. And that is the point of this anyway- bringing glory to the name of God through hardship, famine, and sword. While we want a child more than just about anything, we would never want to squander an opportunity to be used by the Lord.

4. We will not shake our fist at God. I have experienced some situations in my life where people are throwing a temper tantrum towards the Lord until they get what they want. Several results can happen from this, but in our situation we want it to be sweet as honey. What a waste it would be to look back on this heartbreaking time and see angry people yelling at God. I don’t know how long this journey will last, and yes that is terrifying, but I will choose not to shake my fist at God. I do not want us to be one of those couples that demand things from the Creator of the universe. Who are we to do that? We are learning lessons about Grace; finding grace in the daily humdrum of this situation and in life. When this journey has closed its chapter and we are on to the next, we want to see a sweet time of communion with the Lord. This journey is far from rainbows and butterflies. It is filled with medications, doctor visits, expenses, setbacks, and disappointments. This is without a doubt the hardest thing we have been through to date. I know it most likely won’t be the hardest or longest trial, but it is difficult all the same. I have gotten angry, and I have gotten sad. I don’t think it is going off the deep end to talk about how gut wrenching a season like this can be. To be honest, to be open, and to be supported will help you not pitch your tent in a tizzy. Let us not be like Jonah and miss the incredible opportunity that God has bestowed- even in the darkest of times.

​5. We will be open to what the Lord has planned for us. In the summer of 2008, I went with some friends to the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. It is a house of prayer that is worshiping the Lord through prayer and music 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. It was an incredible experience. I remember sitting there in the prayer room and the Lord met me there. My mind was filled with an image of a house that was pouring out with lots of laughs and mess. I was standing there with my children and none of them looked like me. There was a map on the wall and a wealth of information about different cultures spread on the table and pinned to every vertical surface. I knew in that moment the beauty of adoption. The call for adoption. I have never had a clearer call than that. Come to find out, James, was also given the same calling. There are so many unknowns in our life. We have a deep unceasing desire for children that seems to grow by the day. We want to create some and we want to receive some. I am thankful for the call. To me, adoption is one of the clearest examples of the gospel. Of Jesus. Of Fatherhood. We are humbled and excited to one day be a part of that story. We are walking both paths at the moment, and we are seeking the Lord’s direction. We trust that the Lord will make the plan clear and we pray for humility to fully accept, with joy, the answers that come. Through all of this we know that each up and down makes the end result completely worth it.

​6. We will glorify the Lord. The word “will” sounds so definite, sure, and unyielding. ​Don’t give me that much credit (James on the other hand, well, he deserves about a billion points of credit). I have yelled at my husband, been aloof at work, been selfish with how I feel and behave. I have said too much and not enough to plenty of people. However, we are learning. We are striving. We want to be tools in the hand of the Lord. We want to be used. We want His name to be known above all else through our life, through our testimony. We pray that He uses us to encourage, comfort, and inspire His plan, His glory, His gospel. Heart song singing.

​He will meet you where you are. In the mess and darkness, He will be there. You are loved by the Creator. You were made by His hands. You are beautiful and strong. Do not lose hope in the impossible situations. He is there. Be still. Run to Him.

Pray for us. We covet those more than anything. I think that is one of the things that has been the most touching in this whole situation. The body of Christ covering us in prayer. Holding us up when we might feel too weak to stand. While we ask for your prayers, we do not want your worry. God’s got this. The sun rising every morning reminds us of that. So thank you for walking with us. Thank you for being our community.